Because Amazon is trying to humiliate me…

If Amazon were a person, you would never introduce Amazon to your friends. Why? Because Amazon would embarrass you.

Amazon would not do this intentionally. Amazon would merely be trying too hard to impress you and your friends.

But the problem is, Amazon knows way too much about you.

Worse still, Amazon thinks Amazon knows you and all of your idiosyncrasies and makes suggestions about what you should purchase next (in case you’re struggling for ideas).

So how does Amazon do this?

Simple. By sending you emails like this:

In the air

Usually when you’re checking your emails as someone you greatly respect/admire/have a secret crush on pops over to talk to you.

Amazon. You’re great. But we can never be friends.

And I will never buy anything by Phil Collins.

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Comments: 6

  1. Simone October 24, 2011 at 11:35 pm Reply

    Oh, you’re so brilliant. I always wonder who Netflix thinks I am. Some of their “movie recommends” make me question my existence.

    • Jo and the Novelist October 25, 2011 at 12:14 pm Reply

      I don’t know what I did to prompt a Phil Collins suggestion, nor what I need to do to unprompt it.

  2. Rik October 25, 2011 at 10:49 am Reply

    It’s not just the Phil Collins that would be worrying me. The Final Countdown…Love Shack…and what the hell is SMILEY FACE?!

    • Jo and the Novelist October 25, 2011 at 12:16 pm Reply

      You freaking LOVE The Final Countdown. So does everyone. Love Shack… not so much…

      Maybe I shouldn’t download songs I don’t know that well from Singstar from Amazon…

      I’m beginning to see how this happened.

      PS. I have no idea what Smiley Face is, nor do I want to find out in case I get more “suggestions”

  3. Steven Chapman November 3, 2011 at 5:11 pm Reply

    You must have been buying some right tat!!

    Just because you have every other Phil Collins album it thinks it can suggest you buy ‘In the Air Tonight’? Cheeky Amazon…

    • Jo and the Novelist November 30, 2011 at 6:27 pm Reply

      I’m exempt from ever liking Phil Collins.

      You’re a man who will, some day, be middle-aged. And then you will like Phil Collins. It’s a scientific fact.

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