I Need Couch Potato Jeans…

It’s impossible to buy jeans these days, all thanks to fashion – which ruins everything in my opinion. As someone who spends 95% of their time in pyjamas, I’m all about comfort. Due to recent life changes which have led to me spending an awful lot of time sitting down at a desk, I have ripped through the rear seam of one pair of jeans, and burst the top button off the other.

It’s worth adding that both pairs of jeans are about 5 years old, and have been deteriorating for some time now. I have a bit of a thing where I grow very attached to comfortable clothes – combine that with generally being a bit of a hoarder and you’ve essentially got someone who dresses in clothes that are barely holding themselves together. As an example, check out my “blue” Converse trainers…

Ex converse

 

When the ripped-up-the-butt jeans first ripped up the butt, I can’t say that I wasn’t disappointed. Nor can I say that I immediately threw them in the bin, or attempted some sort of a repair.

What I actually did was continue to wear them until the severity of the situation increased. I have, unfortunately, now reached that moment.

ripped jeans

It’s recently become very cold and windy, and according to someone who watches the news/weather forecast, it’s going to get even colder and probably start snowing soon. This means that when I now wear my ripped-up-the-butt jeans outside certain ‘places’ get a little drafty.

So I resorted to wearing the jeans without a button. This worked for a while – no wintery drafts tickling my inner thighs when I’m wandering around and such stuff. But it did present me with another problem whereby my jeans, every so often, slipped off my hips and hung precariously around my bottom prompting the inevitable worry that they will continue slipping until they fall down around my ankles.

It is possibly time for me to think about buying myself some new jeans. For most people, this would not be a problem. This is because most people have a) money to buy jeans and b) a sense of style. I am not one of those people. And also, I hate clothes shopping.

I like a pair of jeans that are the exact same weight, shape and consistency (?) of my pyjamas. I like baggy jeans. I like baggy, non figure-hugging jeans that I can slouch around in and eat pies without feeling like my thighs are going to burst out of the denim and I have to undo the top button to feel comfortable while I digest aforementioned pies. I need the kind of jeans that lend themselves to my ‘sitting down’ lifestyle. The kind of jeans I used to wear when I also used to listen to pop-punk. The kind of jeans that will prompt my Mum to ask me if I’m ‘a little old now to be wearing those kind of jeans’.

Sadly, current fashion dictates that there is only one pair of jeans available in shops: skinny.

Skinny jeans. Skinny, emo, hipster jeans. Skinny, uncomfortable, leave-nothing-to-the-imagination, have-to-catapult-yourself-into-them jeans.

Worse still, all shops seem to pretend that they sell different kind of jeans by calling them different (stupid) names: skinny, super-skinny, leggings, jeggings, regular, high-waist, flare, boot-cut and EVEN spray-on. Stylish folk will argue that there are differences between the styles, but those people are wrong. Because the only difference is the name. All these jeans are tight around the bum and thighs and stomach. I want all-round baggy jeans – baggy waist, baggy around the thighs and calves and ankles. A denim sack is essentially what I’m after.

I did discover, however, one style which might suit me: “boyfriend”.

I’m not sure what the name is trying to insinuate, I’d be happier if they were just called “lazy” or “not stylish” or “normally dresses like a hobo” or something. Anyway, despite the name, they’re impossible to find because apparently, no one but me wants to wear comfy, baggy, slouch-about-the-house jeans.

Last week, during my quest for comfy jeans, I found myself straying into the maternity section, casually perusing baggy jeans with elasticated waist-bands. I momentarily considered making the purchase, but couldn’t go through with it (probably because I’d feel like the assistant would know that I wasn’t actually pregnant – just buying maternity jeans so I could comfortably eat my way through the festive season).

As my quest continues, I’ve resolved to wear only pyjamas and jogging pants (which, in no way, will be used for the actual purpose of jogging) until the fabled jeans have been found. Essentially, what I’m saying is: I no longer own clothes that are suitable to wear outside the house.

Consequently, I’m not going outside until suitable jeans have been purchased.

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Comments: 28

  1. Steven Chapman December 6, 2011 at 2:12 pm Reply

    I thought all the cool kids wore their jeans around their arses/ankles? Get with the times!

    Get down to Asda and get some of the cheap fat man jeans! :D

    Oh, and its probably not the WORST place to have a rip…

    • Jo and the Novelist December 6, 2011 at 4:30 pm Reply

      Get with the times?! YOU get with the times – baggy pants around the arse is so 90s…

      • Steven Chapman December 6, 2011 at 4:42 pm Reply

        What can I say…I take pride in being a decade behind the times.

        *breaks out Global Hypercolor t-shirt*

        These are only a decade old, right?

  2. Vicky December 6, 2011 at 4:39 pm Reply

    I’m 5’0″ and have had 3 kids, jeans just do not fit. I completely understand, even “petites” are too long! I have multiple jeans that have been well loved and are showing it in the butt.

    • Jo and the Novelist December 6, 2011 at 5:26 pm Reply

      It doesn’t matter what style you go for, you’ll never find those magical jeans that are uber comfy and fit perfectly. I think I’m going to have to get some sort of rear seam reinforcement to prevent this from happening again…

  3. The Suniverse (@TheSuniverse) December 6, 2011 at 5:39 pm Reply

    I am so many kinds of in love with you right now.

    Seriously.

    I hate jeans and never wear them anymore because of the texture of the material – it’s too rough for my delicate skin.

    BUT. When I did wear jeans in my youth, my favorite pair were a pair that my brother outgrew. Fit PERFECTLY. Loose but sexy [on me, not on him, we're not Flowers in the Attic] and never a worry that they’d become tourniquets.

    So I would suggest heading to the men’s or boy’s department and picking up some decent jeans.

    • Jo and the Novelist December 7, 2011 at 8:56 am Reply

      I did consider such an option – but the skinny jeans epidemic has actually spread to the mens department too. Basically, British fashion dictates that people show off their legs by encasing them in vacuum packed denim.

      I never managed to fit into my brothers jeans, although I did get a checked shirt which came in super-handy for my grunge phase.

      Ah. The 90s… How I yearn.

  4. Rik December 6, 2011 at 10:31 pm Reply

    All of my jeans eventually rip in the, er, ‘between legs’ area. But instead of repairing them or throwing them away, I keep them and store them with jeans that don’t have any holes in, so that I get them mixed up and accidentally go to work in the wrong ones.

    When I find jeans that I like, I feel like I should buy ten pairs so I won’t have to worry about replacing them for a long time.

    In fact, I think I’d prefer it if I could wear a pre-issued uniform that’s the same each day. No, that’s going a bit far…I’d have one work uniform and one for weekends. Five lots of the work uniform, and two for the weekend version. That’d make life so much simpler. But only if everyone else did the same thing.

    • Steven Chapman December 6, 2011 at 11:11 pm Reply

      Hey, it works for the Simpsons! And the Griffins! And the Smiths! And the Browns!

    • Jo and the Novelist December 7, 2011 at 9:00 am Reply

      I used to complain endlessly about having to wear a school uniform, but in hindsight, it was *so* much better than wearing actual clothes. You didn’t have to think about what you were wearing, it was just there – a charcoal grey ensemble which everyone else would be wearing. You could all look like shit together. I miss those days.

      Also, were we brought up not to throw our broken clothes away or something?!

  5. WilyGuy December 6, 2011 at 11:33 pm Reply

    I can sympathize with you only in that growing up, I was tall and skinny and finding the right size was impossible. I hope your quest finds those jeans. I would recommend Goodwill, where all girls trade in the baggy because they want skinny…

    WG
    http://itsmynd.blogspot.com

    • Jo and the Novelist December 7, 2011 at 9:05 am Reply

      Been there my friend. Can never get the right leg length in regular jeans, which is why I end up with tacky turn-ups and weird hems.

      Why would people trade in baggy for skinny? I just can’t get my head around it!

  6. alonewithcats December 7, 2011 at 2:38 am Reply

    My dear Jo, fellow all-day wearer of sleepy-time clothes, you must watch this infomercial for Pajama Jeans. It’s like a snuggie for your legs.

    • Jo and the Novelist December 7, 2011 at 9:07 am Reply

      Wow. Seriously. WOW!

      I mean, when it first started I was all “No way, they look just like regular skinny jeans” but NO! Because they’re actually as comfortable as pyjamas!!

      I could pretty much be in this advert…

      • Vicky December 21, 2011 at 10:10 pm Reply

        I just saw some the other day! They have so much stretch to them I can only imagine how many rolls, lumps and bumps it would show. Kind of like wearing… leggings.

  7. Simone December 7, 2011 at 5:52 am Reply

    yes – the pajama jeans are the way to go. or just plain old pajamas. how about thermals? or long johns?

    • Jo and the Novelist December 7, 2011 at 9:08 am Reply

      My pyjamas are pink and covered in cutsie little cakes. They’ve also proved not to be overly weather-proof :(

  8. Nick Bryan (@NickMB) December 7, 2011 at 7:59 pm Reply

    I bought my first proper hoodie for slobbing around the house at the weekend. It has already proven to be one of my favourite possessions, especially as it’s now very cold. The only problem is, I imagine I’ll wear through it by springtime.

    • Jo and the Novelist December 7, 2011 at 10:44 pm Reply

      Wow – your first hoodie! Yeah, you’ll probably find any excuse to wear it, or for that matter wash it because washing it involves it essentially being out of action for a couple of days. This is why I now have multiple hoodies.

  9. alexis December 15, 2011 at 3:08 pm Reply

    I tell you what, I’m exactly the same! The last time I bought jeans was a few years ago and I got them from American Eagle. One pair is flared the other pair is boot cut. They’re still in great shape for being my only two pairs, a little worn at the feet due to me being three apples tall, but still looking good. I haven’t been in American Eagle in forever so I don’t know if they switched to all skinny jeans like some other places have, but I would recommend checking them out!

    • Jo and the Novelist December 20, 2011 at 12:52 pm Reply

      I love worn-in jeans. I feel like new jeans should be pre-worn just to add comfort. I suppose what I’m saying is; I should buy my jeans from second hand shops.

  10. Heather December 18, 2011 at 5:59 am Reply

    You had me way before “essentially a denim sack is what I’m after,”, but that sentence was the clincher. Finally, another person who shares my longing for pants that don’t touch me anywhere.

    • Jo and the Novelist December 20, 2011 at 12:47 pm Reply

      That really should be the new name for “boyfriend” style jeans: “pants-that-don’t-touch-you-anywhere” they would sell far better. Love it.

  11. Emma December 19, 2011 at 4:42 pm Reply

    Skinny jeans and jeans that are so low they essentially provide a free show whenever you bend to get something. I, too, have very strong feelings about denim in sack form.

    • Jo and the Novelist December 20, 2011 at 12:49 pm Reply

      Low, skinny jeans are most definitely the worst offenders. I mean if you’re going to reveal your arse-crack any time you do anything, then why bother with the jeans in the first place. Seriously, I wouldn’t be surprised if “spray-on jeans in a can” were the next big thing…

  12. Mathilda December 20, 2011 at 12:20 pm Reply

    I always wear boyfriend jeans, skinny jeans are fine with people with NO shape, give me something comfy anyday!!

    I see nothing wrong with your converse either – I have a few pair of my own that look like that, just makes them even more comfy ;)

    • Jo and the Novelist December 20, 2011 at 12:51 pm Reply

      You’re totally right – while actually putting these converse on my feet takes a certain amount of strategy they are still significantly more comfy than ALL OTHER SHOES. I’d wear them if it would only stop raining :(

  13. Katy May 31, 2012 at 3:44 pm Reply

    Hey – love the blog and slouchy jeans. The best ones I’ve found are from Topshop, you could try there? http://www.topshop.com/

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