If you’re unfortunate enough to follow me on Twitter or be a fan of this blog on Facebook, you’ll know that I’ve whinged (somewhat endlessly) about my new found desire for a Slanket. That’s right, a Slanket – the ingeniously named blanket… with sleeves. I don’t know who invented the Slanket (some dude called Gary, apparently) but the Slanket was a genius creation, and I’m loathed not to have one of my own.

This is what you told me:

I have a cheaper version which generates a crazy amount of static, so I can’t use it when I’m working on my laptop. Which kind of negates the point of having it. – @Radshef

I really like it, it’s all snug and warm. – @lizigree

I wear mine and pretend to be a wizard. – Emmarrrr

I have one and it’s amazing, use it all the time. Get one. – Jo

We got one for my dad. He LOVES it. – @TheSuniverse

It’s all about the slanket! I sometimes double-duvet in mine for extra cosy comfort. – @jane_bradley

I have one and I love it – keeps you so cosy even when reaching for the remote/writing etc. – @ttofee

You NEED a slanket. – @samkayk

I own a massive hoodie. That may be the closest to a slanket I can get within the constraints of manliness. – @NickMB

In the interests of cosiness and snuggliness, I need a Slanket.

There comes a point in the evening (usually on Pizza Fridays*) where the wearing of regular clothes to loaf about on the sofa digesting a meat-feast pizza and watching films, becomes restricting and generally uncomfortable. So a swift change into something with an elastic waistband – my infamous pink cake pyjamas or jogger bottoms (that to this day have never been worn for the purpose of jogging) – usually does the trick. And while the comfort issue is tackled, the cosy issue is not. Our lounge is the coldest room in the house. In fact, that’s an understatement – it is permanently cold in that room. No matter what time of year, the cosiness factor of the lounge is seriously lacking. After eating pizza, I like to be able to assume the foetal position, snuggle up while I devour vast amounts of chocolate and watch terrible sci-fi films.

*Pizza Fridays – Friday night is spent eating pizza and watching films. Sometimes Pizza Friday accidentally spills into the rest of the weekend and I have Pizza Saturday and Pizza Sunday too. This is followed by Regret Monday and Exercise Tuesday.

This is where a Slanket would complete my evening of slobbing out in true style comfort.

Sadly, due to unemployment tuition fees inherent laziness circumstances beyond my control, I am unable to afford such luxuries. So I have improvise, using a blue Ikea throw.

The Slanket boasts two features which an Ikea throw does not:

1. The Slanket is made of warm, fleecy cosiness crafted by unicorns from the clouds of comfort land.

An Ikea throw is not. Ikea throw is made from coarse fabric woven together by Satan. The Ikea throw is not warm, comfy or cosy. This is largely due to the fact that the Ikea throw’s purpose is either to be thrown over ugly furniture in an attempt to disguise its hideousness or tossed onto beds with some cushions to make a bedroom look stylish. It is not to be thrown over a person who is still digesting pizza while curled up on the sofa watching films.

2. The Slanket has sleeves, enabling the wearer full use of  their arms (such as reaching for the remote, eating ice-cream from the tub) whilst retaining warm feelings of super-cosiness.

My friend (also called Jo) kindly agreed to demonstrate her Slanket for the purpose of this blog post. Thanks Jo.

Ikea Throw does not have sleeves. Ikea throw restricts all arm movement, and therefore makes the spooning of large amounts of ice-cream into mouth and reaching for the remote difficult and usually results in entanglement.

Aside from these two main points, I have discovered that ‘wearing’ an Ikea throw has also thrown up a shed-load of other difficulties:

Ikea Throw does not satisfactorily keep all body parts warm and cosy.

It is impossible to successfully ascend a staircase whilst ‘wearing’ an Ikea Throw.

Wearing an Ikea Throw to the toilet is both a logistical nightmare and really unhygienic.

Ikea Throw does not aid the act of typing.

Ikea Throw does not create convincing illusion of being a wizard or evil-overlord.

Ikea Throw is not waterproof, and therefore cannot be worn outside when it is raining.*

*To be fair, neither is a Slanket – but that’s something they should definitely consider.

In conclusion, I definitely need a Slanket. The only downside being that it might cause my legs to spontaneously combust if I wear it whilst using a laptop. But that’s a risk I’m willing to take.

Incidentally, this post was in no way endorsed by the creators of the Slanket, or the Unicorns of Comfort-Land. However, if you’re reading this and you work for The Slanket Company The Slanketeers Slanket I think it’s only right that you send me a free Slanket for pimping your product.

PS. I’d like the one with Dinosaurs on it, please.

Also, I know it seems like I’ve given my Ikea throw a pretty bad review, so with that in mind it’s worth pointing out that as a throw it is fully functional and satisfactorily hides ugly furniture and makes my bedroom look stylish (when I’m not attempting to wear it).